In these worrying times of illness and isolation, Easter may not be high on anyone's agenda. For someone who has lost a baby or a child however, perhaps this is a particularly tough time to get through (in religion, easter means re-birth, new life and is a holiday commemorating the resurrection of Jesus from the dead) - everywhere we look (usually, around this time...) there are baby chicks breaking out from their bright and colourful eggs, families are gathering to celebrate and have fun together...
This year, things are very different and many people are finding this unprecedented situation frightening. In my house, we are trying to keep busy with school work, but also with everyday life skills, like cooking, baking, wood work and gardening We are also spending more time than ever exercising mindfulness and reading books under a blanket on the sofa. We try to only watch the news once a day, in the evening.
If you have lost a baby, as with any grief, it is important to take it and yourself seriously. Grief is a normal part of life and it needs to be acknowledged. Holidays - like Easter - can trigger lots of feelings, bringing them to the fore - and I feel these feelings - like any feelings - are better out than in. We have four basic feelings - happiness, sadness, anger and fear - each and every one as important and 'normal' as the next. Bottling feelings up and brushing them under the carpet (by telling ourselves we need to Get a grip! or Move on!) is not helpful and will not make the sadness disappear.
If you are in self-isolation, try ringing friends and/or family at least once a day. This helps with feeling connected to the world, without actually seeing anyone. I find ringing someone who is on their own - no matter what my own situation may be - rewarding. Online applications like Facetime, Houseparty and Zoom make it easy for us to see the people we are talking to.
Feeling alone in our grief is a big part of why it is so painful. Nobody understands...No one knows what I am going through...So why not tell them? I would suggest not hiding how you're feeling, there is no need for a "stiff upper lip" in this day and age. Telling people how you feel will not make things worse; people who care want to share your feelings with you.
Why not combine the Easter "celebrations" with commemorating your child. Perhaps you'd like to paint an egg in their honour? Perhaps, if there are other children in your household, they would like to do the same? Doing crafty things - either alone or with others, if there are more of you - has proven therapeutic in most walks of life.
How about writing messages for your baby/child and place them in plastic eggs? If you fancy it, you can then take turns in reading the messages out to one and other.
Writing messages on balloons can also be a lovely thing to do - as a family, or for yourself.
At Muma Nurture we offer support through counselling, hypnotherapy, reflexology and other holistic therapies.
If you are feeling depressed or struggling with your self-esteem, hypnotherapy can be a very effective therapy; working on the subconscious to change negative thinking and encourage more positive thoughts, it can boost your confidence and self-esteem.
Reflexology is a nurturing and supportive treatment that helps bring your body systems back into a state of balance. Offering sometimes much needed time to yourself, reflexology will also help balance your hormones and increase your feelings of calm and well-being.
Counselling is a talking therapy where the counsellor acts as an empathic facilitator, often empowering the client by listening and acknowledging their whole experience, without passing judgment.
We are of course following the government guidelines of how to deal with the Corona pandemic and staying home. Our office is temporarily closed, but we are still "here" for you. Please contact us to find out what we can do for you.