Being supportive after Baby Loss
Knowing what to say or do when someone close to you has lost a baby can be very hard. Maybe that's because if you haven't been through it yourself you don't know how they feel, and maybe it's because if you have also experienced baby loss it brings up some difficult emotions for you?
It can be really helpful to remember we are all human and have our own way of managing the world. What is helpful for one person is not necessarily for another and what works for you won't necessarily for them. To truly try and understand how another person feels, you must try and put yourself in their shoes, rather than assume you understand because you were part of the same experience or something similar previously.
It is important not to judge someone and their way dealing with their baby loss. They are doing the absolute best that they can in a truly devastating situation.
Let them talk, at a time of grief someone can be rambling and nonsensical, very deep and expressive, maybe even maudlin, or maybe not want to talk again. They have to do it their own way in their own time. If you are struggling with how they are being, remember this is YOUR issue. It is not appropriate (ever actually, not just during grief) to tell someone else how to behave. However, you can acknowledge if you are not comfortable with that and or you are not the right person for them to be speaking to. Remember this is far more kind than telling them they are grieving wrong!
Don't feel obliged to make them feel better, you can't, and often it is the inane platitudes someone has been given that have upset them the most. It is not necessary to tell someone it wasn't meant to be, or their time will come, or god gets rid of bad rubbish, or better it happens now than they live a lifetime with a disabled child, or any similarly unhelpful comments. We understand, you want to help, but in the cold light of day reading this . . .how helpful does that seem to you?!
Maybe it's helpful for you to know, our support is available for you too, so if you are struggling, please feel free to get in touch.